Once Santa & Banta were traveling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.
Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.
Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.
Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.
Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.
The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"
Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
BIKER STORY Receives New York Times Best
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars.
I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page: *
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars.
I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page: *
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
H o w t o C a t c h a L I O N
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Leave and Job Applications – Interesting & Funny
This is a collection of leave letters and job applications written by people in various places of India ....
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son: 'as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days..'
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: 'as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..'
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.'
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave'
6. An incident of a leave letter: 'I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.'
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.'
9. Covering note: 'I am enclosed herewith...'
10. Another one:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below...'
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave'.
12. Letter writing: -
'I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.'
13. A candidate's job application:
'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son: 'as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days..'
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: 'as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..'
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.'
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave'
6. An incident of a leave letter: 'I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.'
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.'
9. Covering note: 'I am enclosed herewith...'
10. Another one:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below...'
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave'.
12. Letter writing: -
'I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.'
13. A candidate's job application:
'This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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