1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isnt there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone elses sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
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